Friday, October 30, 2009

Love extravagantly, hope unswervingly, trust steadily in God..

for the last few days it feels like if all i worked hard for in the past, put my heart into just brings pain, abundant pain. it makes me double think about the future, do i want to put my heart out there again? if it only brings pain then why should i...ive been asking myself this so much lately and i blame myself for getting into complicated situations i cant handle afterwards;
i hate how it is so easy to fall in love but so hard to fall out of love. He means so much to me. I just wish he knew because when I’m around him nothing else matters and when he talks to me my knees shake. The last thing I want is another heartbreak. If he would love me like I love him I could tell him that I will always be there, but when I try to talk, I just don’t know what to say because I know he doesn’t feel what i feel. Its hard knowing im not the one making him smile....I don't know... for a while, I had this tiny smidge of hope. i hoped we'd be together again. But, last night, when we talked...I knew it. I just knew you were in love with her. The kind of love that stays forever...now all I'm left with is a broken heart and shattered hopes and it feels like it will never be the same again...its funny how stupid i was...and instead of making me cry it makes me laugh, maybe its because ive cried enough over you and ive realized it dosent help me one bit..it dosent bring you back and i understand that know..but he was my hope, my only love, and every moment we had together is all i have left, which i will keep locked up in a corner of my heart forever.

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